Sunday Political and Economical Wizard Review (SPEW Review)
by John Khass
Summary: It s news from real grown-up Wizard World - politics, economy, sport, art, taxes, finance etc.


Is It A New Shadow?  
Andrew Karkaroff

At the start of this summer, Witter and Witchstagram vedette l'epatage, porn-rock star Melany Crabbe released a new album called " Nox", but the cover became the most shocking part of it.  
At the magical 3W-photo, Melany (not so naked as ever) sitting on the back of a unicorn that looks absolutely happy with her there. Widely notorious for her multiple affairs, Melany would obviously seem out of line with the most important restriction for girls, willing to associate with unicorns.

Was it Confunded? Nearly impossible! Until this very day, the spellproofness of unicorns, their magical strength and power have been a legend among all magical creatures. Nevertheless, all the experts in magical photos whom we contacted, confirmed that this photo must be true.  
Trying to solve this enigma, we found out that Ms. Crabbe is in close friendship with Albus Severus Potter!

(For a few months already, there have been rumours about his part in mysterious accidents with unknown outcomes, covered with exceptional efforts by the Ministry of Magic.)

We contacted ASP, as he wishes to be called, and got some explanations about this riddle, which are, perhaps, more intriguing than the initial subject matter itself. According to Mr. ASP, to tame that unicorn, he had invented a special wand-wave to multiply hundredfold the strength of the Confundus Charm! As we understand, he has never before revealed that secret to anybody else, but, as we all know, secrets tend to leak out more sooner than later and there is no guarantee that this incomparably powerful and dangerous Charm will not end up used by everybody everywhere!

Only recently has the Confundus Charm been generally considered the innocuous cheating instrument of petty scams due to its weak and short term nature. However, it could become a real danger now, after Mr. ASP`s invention. Such a powerful Charm could even be compared with the Unforgivable Charm Imperius by its influence on the object!

All decent witches and wizards have the right not to be Confunded in their private life, and we await some reaction to the situation from the Wizengamot.

Now we are in doubt about one interesting question. Who is more dangerous for the magical community – the late Voldemort, with his lust for power, or an emotionally unstable young wizard, nonchalant beyond all measure?

Let`s dwell on it together.

Defence and Taxes: Together or Apart?  
Columnist: Terry Boot

This Tuesday, the Prime Minister of British Muggles met with Hermione Weasley-Granger, Minister for Magic, for third time this month. Once again, they discussed the Wizarding community's involvement in the economical and political life of our shared Kingdom. The main point is whether Wizards should pay their part in defence and taxes or not.  
As everybody knows from History of Magic lessons at Hogwarts, four hundreds years ago, during the times of the Muggles` Thirty Years' War, some secret agreements were signed between Frederick V and von Thurn barring all wizards from war. These agreement started a process that culminated in 1689 by establishing the International Statute of Secrecy. Since that time, wizards have never taken part in Muggle wars. Some of our readers should remember all that confusion with young wizard and witches in hiding during Muggle WWI and WWII.  
But you cannot live in society and be absolutely free of its problems. Hjalmar Horace Greeley Schacht, one of the supporters of the Muggle leader Hitler and distant relative of Prof. Horace Slughorn, was the biggest financial backer of Gellert Grindelwald too. But after Grindelwald announced his course for absolute enslavement of all Muggles, Schaht terminated all connections with him and was cleared from all charges by the Wizengamot after Dumbledore`s victory in that historic duel of 1945. Still some wizards consider that the gold in the Slughorn, Umbridge and Malfoy vaults at Gringotts is tainted with the funding of Grindelwald.  
Also, international magical cooperation became questionable after Malfoy`s recovery plans for the European wizarding community because of the greed of its founder, Brontus Malfoy.  
Again, twenty years ago, the abrupt rise of Voldemort was a surprise for the wizarding community. But the investigation conducted by the Wizengamot RHM Amelia Bones into the financial sources of this rise that found some of its roots in the vaults of MalfoyStanley and Umbridgewater, was taken so personally by Voldemort that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-At-That-Time killed Amelia by himself.  
And now, with all these terrorist threats, Muggles want to ask the wizarding community for protection.  
Also, the usual Muggle-tribute in gold that was not too big a burden for the Wizarding economy owing to Nicolas Flamel and his Philosopher's Stone, has become harder because of the destruction of PS during Wizard War II.  
We`ll never know whether Dumbledore could have considered these effects when he decided to destroy an unquenchable source of gold, but now the w-community is closer to Muggles than ever.  
After Ministry started its Tax Multiplication Program (from 1.3 times for salaries to 2.8 times for all other incomes), wizards were forced to get more jobs in Muggle companies.  
But it was not a solution, as gold is still going out to Muggles` vaults and never returns, and Minister Weasley-Granger is now in a difficult position in these negotiations. Of course, the idea to revoke the Statute of Secrecy is too radical even for Her Bravesty Hermione. But we should prepare for some changes, for better or worse.

Farewell to Hagrid?

We have some sad news about Hagrid`s retirement plans. The tidings from Hogwarts indicate that the esteemed Keeper of Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts, half-giant Rubeus Hagrid, hero of the Battle of Hogwarts and a close friend of Dumledore and HP himself, is planning to retire and leave the UK forever.  
In his own words: "I want to take Grawpy to warm places".  
Let`s wish him and his cute brother a nice uneventful journey, especially for everybody else's sakes, and a nice relaxing stay on the shores of Southern France!

The Minister of Magic Hermione Weasley-Granger told us that she would keep an eye on them both and had plans to visit their place during her next holiday together with her family. "Grawp, Hermy remembers you", - she said with some tears in her voice. Her prominent husband Ron Weasley announced that he`d take a business trip to France, which accidentally coincided with Hagrid`s plans.

So, we could hope for a happy ending for all the inhabitants of the Cote d'Azur, also considering that the Prime Minister of British Muggles and the French President de Сharmeprive have been informed and have coordinated their efforts through the Department of International Magical Cooperation.

Best wishes to the Hagrids and many happy returns!

Wand Monopoly: Сui prodest?

Our readers may have been surprised by recent news from the headquarters of Durmstrang Wand Corp. about their complete takeover of Ollivander`s Wandmakers. The total deal amount is a secret but some reliable sources spoke of GG1Bn.  
Such amount could undermine the image of an unselfish craftsman traditionally assumed by Garrick Ollivander, Chairman of OW. Besides, we are interested why Ministry of Magic gave the permission for such a deal that creates an absolute monopoly on wands for almost the entire European Wizarding community and makes British wizardry dependant on unreliable imported supplies.  
We tried to get an explanation from the Chief of International Magical Office of Law Marietta Edgecombe but she was out of the country in her recently purchased 72-foot yacht.

We can only give a hint to our readers: to reduce your expenses, you can try purchasing new wands through Winternet services from independent suppliers such as our reliable partner . (To get access to Winternet, tap twice your mouse with your wand.)

Wizengamot: No Sensation At All?

No one among our readers could have expected anything special from the usual August session of Wizengamot. But - they have really voted for the Break-Sit!

After the biggest scandal of modern history, Albus Dumbledore`s dismission as Chief Warlock of Wizengamot in 1995 (which was reversed at 1996 and covered by the recent war), the situation at Wizengamot has become as predictable and straightforward as possible. However, despite all expectations, the so-called "darkside opposition", represented at Big W by the BIGEDA party, has achieved success in promoting the idea restricting the Chief Warlock's time in office by two terms.  
That automatically requires Kingsley Shacklebolt to resign and promotes the most probable candidate  
to this post, Millicent Bullstrode, whose connections with Umbridgewater are too obvious to discuss.

A reliable source inside Wizengamot has provided us with some tiny details of how this vote proceeded.  
"Not having a real quorum at the usual Chamber 10 in the Ministry of Magic Building, the presiding Chief of Department of Magical Law Enforcement John Dawlish Jr. announced that he had obtained some votes from the Right Honourable Members through their Patronuses. But nobody had witnessed their arrival.  
Also some Members mentioned at the sidelines that they had had recent conflicts with Aurors regarding some minor accidents involving themselves or their family members. One of RHMs, who wished to remain anonymous, has told us that the usual daily use of wands for waste disposal was suddenly perceived as a serious violation of the Statute of Secrecy and he was forced to pay GG70 as a penalty. Similar stories were told by some other RHMs, and we suspect there is some kind of blackmailing and pressurizing at work here."

But, anyway, now we have a new Chief Lady of Wizengamot and we are anxious to find out how she is going to keep the promises of her party to solve the "guest wizards` problem" that is causing a lot of troubles.  
Most of the "guests" are coming through illegal Portkeys, annihilating all of the Ministry`s efforts to control the usual ways of migration such as the Floo Network, Apparition, brooms etc.

A new financial crisis in Wizard World may be imminent!  
Aliena Skeeter

Our correspondent Aliena Skeeter got some hints from the Chief Goblin of Gringotts (who wished to remain anonymous).

Reporter (R):- So, Mr Rotshilg, how can you comment on the rumours about connections between Gringotts and the Galleon Weight Loss scandal?

(For our readers: as you may have read in our last issue, the Wizarding World was scandalized by a statement from SlughornSmithKline, the world`s biggest potion-making company, about a loss in the weight of the gold Galleons. SSK has used Galleons as a weight standard since the 15th century due to the coins` potionproof properties.  
But last year, SSK started to receive a lot of complaints from customers about the quality of potions. For example, the SSK bestseller, Love-in-an-Hour potion, in some cases transfigured a male customer into a certain private part.  
After a thorough inquiry, SSK discovered that ingredient measurements were distorted because Golden Galleons had lost more than a Knut`s worth of weight! This has been confirmed by several laboratories in the Wizarding World.)

Mr Rotshilg (MR): - As you know, goblins have never admitted or denied any manipulations involving gold at Gringotts. But I can give you some explanations to calm those hysterical wizards who are protesting in front of Gringotts in Diagon Alley, asking for the gold from their vaults to be paid back.  
For a couple of years, Gringotts has pursued the policies of Quantitative easing, to support the wizarding economy and business opportunities. We are trying to keep the Gold Galleon exchange rate a little bit lower than before. It should create additional work places, increase export and stimulate consumer activity.  
R: - But there are some rumours about increased gold amounts in goblin vaults which happens to coincide with the reduction in weight of the Golden Galleons!  
MR: - As you know, goblins have never admitted or denied any kind of manipulations with gold at Gringotts.  
R: - Thank you.

Can Pink Be Darker than Dark?

Angela Umbridge, the offspring of the centaur Bane and Dolores Umbridge, ex-Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic, has prepared and published a new Ministry-approved list of spells, hexes and curses for Defence of Dark Arts lessons in Hogwarts. It was developed within a special EWU (European Wizard Union) program called Turn Dark into Pink.

We can disclose some of them to our readers:

Homosexio  
Tolerantio  
Feministic rebellio  
Goblins' lives matters  
Clinton presidentio  
Greenpeacio imitatio  
Global warming bullshitio  
Putin nightmario  
Turkey (Ukraine, Georgia, Azerbaijan and Nepal) European wizard unio  
Marijuana legalio  
TransatlanticTradePartnership nonconspiracio

This prominent work has been Gold-awarded by an independent foundation which is being supported by such sponsors as Gringotts Sachs, Umbridgewater, MalfoyStanley and Koch Bros.

A Star Broom: Fantasy or Reality?  
Prof. Igor Katz for SPEW

Through the whole history of the global magic community, the most coveted dream has been to reach to the stars!  
Wizards and witches, because of their abilities to perform Levitation magic on themselves or on brooms, have fulfilled their desire to fly through the air, but space remained out of bounds for millennia.  
Step by step, one by one, magic inventions have been building a stairway to heaven. The first Apparition to the Moon in the 14th century, performed by the extravagant witch Selena Black, nearly ended in disaster because of the lack of air. The Bubble-Head Charm was not enough to keep air around the witch's whole body with normal pressure.  
The invention of the Unbreakable Charm provided a solution to this problem, but created another, the absolute impossibility to get the witch or wizard themselves out of the stillsuit. After a lot of fails, wizards stopped all attempts to Apparate into space and started to work on brooms powerful enough to bring wizards and witches outside the Earth's atmosphere.  
With some feeling of shame, the wizarding community achieved success after the Muggles.  
The first broomnaut, Herbert Binns, on his Thunderbolt X, made three circles around the Earth in 1963.  
But after first success, the Wizarding World broke a lot of records before the "techno" Muggles.  
The Wizarding Air and Space Agency (WASA) sent an expedition to the Moon in 1967, which brought back some lunar soil for the potions, to Mars in 1982, which found some traces of spells on its surface and to Pluto, which brought nothing but magical photos. The last two expeditions became possible owing to the genius of Solomon Bruerman, who invented the Apparition Broom (A-Broom).  
Of course, "high-mag" as the new generation of young wizard and witches named such kind of magical research, was not only supported by private investors, but also controlled by the Ministry for Magic because of potentially dangerous uses.  
But the new challenge of WASA, whether to send their new A-Broom to the nearest stars or not, has started a very interesting discussion between "paranoids" and "hilarious idiots", as sides have labelled each other.  
The wizarding community has never denied that magic through the ages has carried a burden of responsibility for the Earth and humanity. Whose side will we find among the stars? A green Voldemort and a violet Grindelwald, as "paranoids" claims? Or a blue Dumbledore and a golden Harry Potter, as optimists hope for?  
Will this trip turn out to be for the greater good or for greatest evil? Alas, should we sit on the Earth and wait when these hypothetical V&G or D&HP come here by themselves?  
Anyway, I think that for the first trip, the best choice of suit should be the Invisibility Cloak.

Last Dark General: Is Peace Coming?  
Ranbir Patil exclusively for SPEWR

Special news comes from Nurmengard today: Arngeir Burkes, last General of Grindelwald`s Army, died in prison aged nearly 109. "Blood Blade" was his nickname in those times; he had killed more than 200 wizards and witches by himself and had been personally responsible for the holocaust of Muggles in Northwest Germany at 1941-1944. His lifetime imprisonment, guarded by the dementors of Nurmengard, was imposed by the International Wizengamot for Wizard War I as a bigger punishment than immediate execution. Nobody will cry for him, most of his victims' descendants are likely to pray today for his soul to rot in the deepest dungeons of hell. Amen.

However, his death has uncovered some unpleasant issues, that should be addressed as soon as possible. Nurmengard, citadel of Gellert Grindelwald, was turned into a super-maximum security prison for those of GG Army, whose crimes against humanity were too awful for any other kind of custody. Now that no one of them is alive, though, the wizard community ask: what should we do with the dementors, these creatures nourished by prisoners, and what should we do with Nurmengard itself?

Unlike Wizard War I, most battles of Wizard War II were fought on British soil. Thus, for this moment, dozens of Voldemort`s soldiers are still alive in Azkaban, but most of them have gone mad or are nearly dead. So what about Azkaban`s future in about 3-5 years?

We can assume, from experience of the previous century, that after great outbreaks of the Dark, one can expect 1-2 generations of relatively peaceful life. For whom are such frightful prisons as Nurmengard or Azkaban, or even Caillebotis – the so-called "summer Azkaban", going to be used? For petty scams like old Mundungus Fletcher, whose last crime was the stealing of a goose from a Muggle`s farm by the illegal use of the Summoning Charm?

Who will feed the dementors? By whom? How many dementors should (or shouldn`t) be kept by the Ministry of Magic for guarding purposes? And who will pay for it in years and years to come?  
Do you think that the fear of prison can keep most of the wizards (and witches, don`t forget Bellatrix Lestrange, for example) out of crime and thus be considered enough to excuse the existence of such horrible things? Should we keep it in anticipation of a next Voldy-Moldy arriving, or else will this system per se encourage their coming? Can we rely on the dementors as loyal guards, or should we remember how they betrayed their loyalty to serve Voldemort instead?

I want to hear some answers, and hope you do too.

Hogwarts: Union of Youth or Convent of Monks?  
Bartemius Abbot for SPEWR

Photo of Wizard Church of St. Mungo.

Since c. 993, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, founded by Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw and Salazar Slytherin, was a birth-of-consciousness kind of place for all wizard youth of the United Kingdom. Neither wealth nor religion of their parents ever was cause for discriminating students in any way.

Overall, for the last couple of years, the Ministry of Magic and the Chief of the Department of Mysteries, Ms. Romilda Vane in person, have started to insist on introducing the study of the Laws of Source of Sorcery into school curriculum.

Some of the parents were highly concerned, when this time they got their usual school letter for the upcoming year containing a list of books including the Book of His Theurgy, Meaning and Practical Lessons by Ariana Goldstein.

The parents' concern is also boosted by last summer's scandal involving Senior Advisor of the Minister for Magic, Arch-Reverend Father Domicius Jorkins. The latter has been discovered using Legilimens during his private consultations with young wizards, enrolees to Hogwarts OWLs. Thorough inquiry made by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement has found out that ARF Jorkins almost succeeded in removing the Dark Mark from his arm, but still believed in Voldemort`s return. Now the author of a new learning program is imprisoned in Azkaban, awaiting a final decision of the Wizengamot.

Of course, witches and wizards all over the world are worshiping Him-Who-Is-The-Source-of-Sorcery, but some rituals and details are very different throughout magical communities. Levitation-Over-the-Water Day, dedicated to His Son`s memory, with its obligatory roasted toad`s legs and homemade butterbeer, is the best respected holiday during Easter vacations.

However, some families, including Middle East and East-European wizards, usually celebrate this day one or two weeks earlier than the Western tradition. In addition, some orthodox wizarding families object to the introduction of this subject, as well as to the L-Day celebrations because of its belonging to the external side of Divine essence. A lot of wand waving, disputes about whether the "five small barley loaves and two small fish" were the breaking of the five Principal Exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration or just an augmentation of food and some such.

On the other hand, most wizards accept His Laws and consider them a base for all humans, Magic folk and Muggles both. They believe that one of the causes of Voldemort`s downfall was his trying to refute the principle of His governing of souls - "the One who can destroy the soul". Tom Riddle, with his excessive pride, is deluded enough to try and destroy his own soul - to release his spirit and gain immortality. The soul, however, is home to the spirit, not a prison, and to destroy the spirit also mean to destroy all connection between spirit and essence – but as two well-known Muggles have said, "it is a different story".

Therefore, what is more important - all these "Don`t kill", "Don`t steal", "Don`t coerce by magic" etc., or special rituals and signs on hats and robes?

For me, as an absolutely secular person from a secular family, every church, whether wizard`s or muggle`s, is only the reflection of His power on Earth, but not the power itself. However, I`d much prefer worshiping Him than serving anybody else.

WE WIN, WE SHINE! Thanks to whom?  
Breedo Bagman for SPEWR

Today the final of the World Goblet of Quidditch ends with unbelievable victory of Brainwashed Barbies, young and ambitious ladies` Q-club from Wales, over the previous Goblet-winners, Bayern Besens from Germany!  
Nineteen goals scored by the super trio of Captain Penelope Flint and two her open girlfriends, Margherite Clearwater and Melissa Johnson, against only two from the other side, crushed German "SteelBrooms" to dust!  
Even their brilliant star, world's fastest Seeker from Jamaica, Hussein "Thunderbolt" Agape, could do nothing to fight against the 18 year-old starlet Gloria Wood! She snatched the Golden Snitch right from his fingers!  
The biggest ever wizard stadium, constructed especially at the wastelands of Northern Devonshire, vibrated from roars of 45 000 wizards and witches from all parts of wizarding world! German Minister for Magic, Herr Abelard Aldrich, tried to commit suicide near the end of game, but was saved by his British colleague, Mrs. Hermione Weasley-Granger! This game will be ingraved in golden letters into Quidditch history without any doubt.

After the game, a traditional gala party also gave rise to some gossip about dresses and hats of its participants. Scandal-loving Theresa Lovegood, who was dressed, if this word is to be used, in a robe made from spruce branches, young Scorpius Malfoy in ragged pants in golden yarn - all of them had no choice but to step aside when belle Lily Potter arrived in a simple little black robe with a silver scarf from unicorn`s hair! The magic scarf having cost more in Galleons than a year's budget of the entire Ministry of Magic! But little Lily, or her boyfriend, Harry Weasley, eldest son of the gold-investment guru, billionaire William A. Weasley, can most undeniably afford it!

Nobody was surprised, anyway, that Ms. Potter (or was it her scarf?) came accompanied by two bodyguards. However, one of them was absolutely unusual! It was the author of this scarf himself, free house-elf Frottie, who works (not serves!) for the Potters' family.  
As we all remember, and multiple charity events organized by Mrs. Weasley-Granger will not give us a slightest chance to forget, the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, or S.P.E.W. (please, do not confuse her S.P.E.W. and our SPEW, as these are two absolutely different spews!), founded by her at her youth at Hogwarts, still exists and "fights against slavery for freedom", as their slogans proclaim.

Our correspondent Aliena Skeeter was lucky enough to get a 5-minute interview with Frottie, when Ms. Lily had a conversation with her mother in the Ministry lodge at the stadium. Elf Frottie was polite enough to reveal some news from house-elf society life, normally hidden from all wizards' eyes in usual times.

As he said, Dobbie and Kreacher, the two heroes of WWII, became new idols of house-elf community and divided their sodality into two non-equal parts.

The image of the heroic Dobbie, First Free Elf, Saviour of HP, killed by the awful Bellatrix Lestrange, created a whole movement of elves aching to be free. During the twenty years after WWII, almost one hundred elves got freedom and found a paid job due to S.P.E.W. efforts. (Frottie was pridefully wearing his own scarf with S.P.E.W. letters made by Mrs. Weasley-Granger herself).  
On the other hand, as Frottie told us, the elderly but still active Kreacher, commander-in-chief of the house-elf squad in the Battle of Hogwarts, one of the elves awarded the Order of Merlin 2nd Class, is loyal to the old custom in its original form, and keeps fighting against "new spoilt ideas" straight and strong. A lot of his followers swore they would be beheaded when no longer capable of fullfilling their work.

Anyway, now the whole wizarding community have enough fodder for discussion and debate, so we might have a respite until next Saturday!

HP will be back! For the holidays only, though, this time.  
Justin Finch-Fletchley exclusively for SPEWR

We are glad to announce a truely long-awaited visit - Mr. Harry Potter, Grand Master of the United Wizards, is scheduled to visit the United Kingdom at the start of October!

He and his ruby wife, Mrs. Ginny Potter-Weasley (we should call her "brilliant", but she is too red for it), will have a holidays at their alma mater - Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The present Headmaster, Neville Longbottom, has prepared the best apartments and there will be held a meeting of the surviving veterans of Dumbledore`s Army. Visit and meeting both were timed to 21st Anniversary of DA's foundation.

We have got tidings that some of the veterans, including opposition leader Mrs. Luna Lovegood, Prof. Longbottom, and the author of this article himself, have prepared a petition to their old friend, in which we are expressing our concern about the ever increasing defence expenses and the reduction of a number of social programmes, including the education and support of old wizards. Besides, Lee Jordan, director of the radio "Echo of Freedom", is going to discuss with HP the possible purchase of his station by Prophet Media Group that has recently acquired The Quibbler and possesses thus more than 70% of the wizarding media market in the UK.

Everybody remembers how DA`s opposition against the plans of the Ministry of Magic to increase twice Aurors' Forces has brought them support of the global wizarding community and called for a certain tension between the British Ministry of Magic and the European Wizard Union.

As we can see, Harry will have a rather busy if not overflowing holidays, which, perhaps, will only be for the greater good of all.  
We do not want The-Boy-Who-Lived to become The-Man-Who-Lives-Away-From-Home.  
HP, welcome back!

Boycott of heroes, who`s next?  
Cormac McLaggen for SPEWR

A werewolf-hunter! The second most desirable image of the future for all wizard boys in their 6-12 years, after an Auror. A silvery-blue robe with a brown hat, a red chevron with crossed wands over the shield - for God`s sake, most of us have tried it on ourselves many times. In dreams, of course. How many courtyard games "werewolves against hunters" have we played? What a feeling of fear did we get then, whenever "wolves" caught us, and how sweet a revenge, and how fulfilling a rightness did we feel, whenever it was "hunters" who won?  
Some of those boys have turned their dreams into reality. Among them, such prominent WW-hunters and great Aurors as Tiberius Ogden, Berthram Higgs, Alastor Moody, Bartemius Crouch Sr., Rufus Scrimgeour. In his twenties, Aberforth Dumbledore was commander of the WWH-squad for South Devonshire and killed Ulv Raventail, Great Wolf of Devon, all by himself.  
Of course, the fighters of WWH squads constantly live in grave danger. A lot of them have sacrificed their lives to save innocent wizards and Muggles, and their names are written in pure gold in the Chamber of the Righteous among Warriors.  
Are these glorious days irrevocably gone? Perhaps yes.

The widespread campaign for "the care about falsely accused creatures" initiated and supported by the Pinkworld Youth Association, has turned into a cruel boycott, and the pursuit of ww-hunters. Some of their societies suddenly lost their offices` rents, most of the training camps got letters from regional authorities informing them about the license cancellation, the Department of Care for Magical Creatures started an inquiry about several werewolf deaths during the five years after WWII.  
Owing personally to billionaire William A. Weasley, WWH squads still have no problems with financing, but the negative image of WWH repels more and more young wizards, who could have joined the ranks.

In the last couple of years, "to keep and to protect", motto of WWH squads, has changed meaning in the eyes of the wizard community, turning into "to kill and to destroy".  
Is it fair? Is there any reasonable argument to back it up?  
The whole situation looks like an organized try-out to destroy the only available force that can protect human beings from the most savage creatures in the magic world.

Are werewolves savage enough, though, to be protected from by means of execution?  
We should, first of all, remember the Voldemort`s slave Fenrir Greyback and his victims - William A. Weasley (survived, but heavily wounded), Lavender Brown (killed), Remus Lupin (infected by licanthropy), Dirk Cresswell (killed), Ted Tonks (killed), goblin Gornuk (killed), five-year-old son of Mrs Montgomery (killed) and a lot of others, killed and wounded.  
If there had ever been a well-des erved and fair dementor's kiss on Earth, it certainly was the one given to Fenrir Greyback by the sentence of the Wizengamot upon the end of WWII, in August 1999.

Also, most of us would remember Craig Kargh, Rotten Fang, guilty of mass Muggle homicide in 1997-1998, killed by Albus Dumbledore himself, along with a lot of other awful crimes committed by werewolves in the recent years and through the ages of wizard history, all too real and not in the slightest "exaggerated", as the PYA tries to convinced us. The terror of werewolves, murders of innocent wizards, witches and children, mass killings of Muggles – is it enough to answer the question?

However, we should have a closer look at the instigators of the boycott campaign. Where do their roots spring?

The Pinkworld Youth Association, and its head, Walden McNeir Jr., get financing mostly from the Al-Mansur Foundation. The start of their campaign against WWH in 2013, widely covered by wizard media, strangely coincided with some news from the media market.

Three years ago we found out that the 35% block of shares of Prophet Media Group was purchased by the Al-Mansur Foundation "to increase investment without changing media policy" as it was promised. Immediately after, Prophet Media acquired The Quibbler and got an unparalleled monopoly on the UK wizard media market. Still, we have not a single comment either from the Ministry of Magic or from the British Free Media Association on the situation.  
In addition, Prophet Media has tried many times to purchase the radio station "Echo of Freedom", but its owner and director Lee Jordan has repeatedly refused all their offers.  
Is it just business? Or will you consider us "conspiracy maniacs", if we suggest that it might pose a real danger to our freedom?

We have also learned that not all of Fenrir Greyback`s victims are dead or disgusted by his crimes. He tried to spread lycanthropy among children, and those who survived are grown up now. We know that Walden McNeir Sr., father of the PYA chief, official executioner of the Department of Care for Magical Creatures had a close association with Voldemort`s puppet Pius Thickness, during his time as Minister, and Walden was one of the Death Eaters. His son and some other sons of Death Eaters at that time were announced "too sick to leave the house". Most of them are members of the PYA board nowadays.  
Is it possible that the PYA is a group headed by werewolves, and all their motivation is to create a legal base for themselves? Is it possible that all the refusals of the PYA`s board members to take part in conferences and meetings are explained by the the full moon?

We plead Minister for Magiс Hermione Weasley-Granger to conduct a personal investigation of this possible conspiracy and to keep and protect WWH squads.  
Terror of savagery should be eradicated!

Will wizards be in demand in the future?  
Editorial

Day by day, the wizard community do research, produce inventions and developments in magic which should improve not only magic itself in its power and accuracy, but, first of it, improve wizards' life. Make it better; make it more stable and safe.  
Of course, sometimes new inventions, such as increasing the power of the Confundus Charm (read about it in Is It a New Shadow?), would increase risk and danger in our lives, and it is inevitable payment for progress.  
Now, though, we want to discuss progress itself – will it grant us a better life, or will it undervalue it, and make it worthless?  
Let`s remember Dolores Umbridge`s speech on her first day at Hogwarts:  
"...without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress's sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering. A balance, then, between old and new, between permanence and change, between tradition and innovation because some changes will be for the better, while others will come, in the fullness of time, to be recognized as errors of judgment."  
It is, of course, common knowledge that Mrs. Umbridge was sentenced to 7 years in Azkaban for her support of Voldemort and, on being released, she had completely changed her attitude, living now near the Forbidden Forest and still in a close relationship with Bane the centaur.  
However, even such people can give us some hints, some ideas that could be useful and applicable in modern life.  
The previous year has given us a lot of new inventions – the Star A-Broom (read here), the powerful Confundus Charm, a new cure for magical epilepsy (the uncontrolled performing of magic, that had been considered incurable for millennia and had been a source of continuous trouble for St. Mungo`s staff). We do consider, though, that the new Self-Magic Wand, produced and commercialized by Borgin Laboratories, is the biggest temptation and the most dangerous invention of all.  
All of you have watched the promotion W-ideo trailer – the SMW can perform a lot of simple and weak magic without a wizard's intervention. It will be helpful for homemakers, small businesses, office workers. The SMW can be trained to do laundry, loading, to keep papers in order, provide some kinds of W-connections etc.  
Dave Borgin has given a number of interviews concerning "the liberation of wizards from dull work" and the endeavour indeed looks good.

Nevertheless, is it as good as it looks? What are the many wizards with an A, or a P, or even a D at their Hogwarts' OWLs to do with their lives?  
In the days before, they could hope to get some small jobs that would guarantee them not only a salary to provide for a humble but decent life. They could socialize, become part of society, part of the W-community, and feel themselves welcome enough, and well enough. Now that they have become redundant, they will have no choice but to beg the Ministry of Magic for unemployment benefits with no hope for a decent future at all.  
Will they marry well? Will they bear children? Will they send their children to Hogwarts?  
Or will they rather become criminals, addicted to FireWhiskey or to Divination herbs, weak and alone?  
How many new wizards will not appear in the world?  
Just think - some of them could be as brilliant as Dumbledore, who was born into a poor, but decent wizard family!

Furthermore, we should understand that the idea of the SMW will inevitably develop, and students who get Es and even Os at their OWLs will very likely be in the same risk group in close future!  
Will the W-community transform itself into some private club for the brilliant few, to only survive for a couple more generations and meet a sad end with the death of its members for lack of new participants? Or, will it rather end up in a chaotic world of unchecked W-gangs, the SMW destroying hopes and bringing nothing but despair?

What should we do, then? Should we declare the SMW out of law? It will be both stupid and impossible, we understand it. Should we create some restrictions for the SMW use? It will be no more than just a palliative, without any hope for effect. Should we improve the education system? It will certainly be pure demagogy, no doubt on that front either. Wizards AREN`T equal by nature.

Is there the way of progress in which human beings become rather more valuable than vice versa?

One Muggle writer, Kurt Vonnegut, wrote a novel called Utopia 14, in which he described a battle of common Muggles against their technical genius elite. The common folk inevitably lost the battle. However, he didn`t consider one small point - there will be no common Muggles. They will simply not be born and there will not be many consumers. Because the common folk, primitive as they will be perceived, will become unnecessarily redundant even as consumers.

So, will wizards choose this way, together with Muggles? Or, rather, can we find our own way out of this trap?

Let`s live on and see.

Gringott`s dragon found!  
Irina Randell for SPEWR

The most famous dragon, which played a key role in Harry Potter`s robbery of Gringott's (as goblins have insisted ever since) was found at the shores of the far-away island of Faial!  
You`ll be surprised by its size: "it`s too small!", - you will cry out, and you would be right, but let me explain.  
Our readers who have never had anything to do with dragons, and it`s the biggest part of our readership no doubt, would know that dragons grow in stature very fast. They`d have heard the story about Hagrid`s Norberta who grew to its almost full size in less than a year, about Charles A. Weasley`s dragon nursery in Romania (financed by his prominent brother, billionaire William A. Weasley), that grows dragons with a two-per-year speed.

In nature, though, dragons grow very slowly, year by year, century by century. Where does the truth lie?

The biggest and most powerful dope for dragons is FireWhisky! Especially from Ogden`s distillery in Scotland, where it comes from whomping willow barrels. Energy and magic come not only from the extract of devil`s snare, that, as some whispers say, Ogden family have been adding to their noble beverage, but also from the barrels themselves.

Of course, in nature, dragons have no such dope. But it has a reverse side. In nature, grown up dragons cannot decrease in their size. If a dragon was fed with FireWhisky, then, without a dozen bottles a day, it will shrink to its natural size. As we understand, that particular dragon was fed with FireWhisky from 20-30-year-old age.  
And after its escape from Gringott's (or kidnapping, as goblins insist), the poor beast has been deprived of his favourite drink. So, it shrivelled and weakened until it reached its natural size.

But, please, do not be overexcited! Now the small pet has been delivered into the warm hands of Old Charlie Weasley and he assured us, that after 5-6 months we`ll have a full-size dragon in full blossom!

All needed barrels of FireWhisky have been donated by Demetrius Ogden personally.  
(He can afford it thanks to the success of his product in China and Middle East in the recent ten years.)  
To our surprise, Gringott's didn`t claim its ownership to get the dragon back. Perhaps, all they want is to wait until dragon has recovered, or they have changed their protection system after it failed to resist to three teenage-wizards and one renegade goblin. Let`s hope for the latter, for our gold in their vaults to be kept in safety.  
Ok, again about the dragon - this cute animal now has everything it needs but a name!

SPEW Review starts a contest for the name for the stray dragon!  
Please, send your ideas to us.

The winner will get full-paid family vacations in Romania for the Christmas holidays!

Wizard's Dragon Research Center  
Romania

Located high in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania, is the Wizard's Dragon Research Center (pictured above). Wizards from around the world come here to study Dragons in their native habitat. Please note the observation platform in the top of the large square tower at the front of the building. As well as this primary observation post, there are several smaller remote outposts where researchers can observe the dragons at close range.

Albus Dumbledore: gone or absent?  
George Pinns for SPEWR

Wizard media from all over the world are bringing us a real sensation: all portraits of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore have disappeared! Even the ones from Chocolate Frog cards, which used to be his favourite!  
As you probably remember, after Dumbledore had been excluded from Wizengamot and suspended as Headmaster, he said he cared about Chocolate Frog cards only!  
Reliable sources from the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts (sic!) confirmed disappearance of APWBD from the official portraits!  
What the hell is going on? Is it an attack of Dark Forces? What kind of spell can wipe off a wizard's portrait without any trace of intrusion? Why do some witnesses state they had seen a bright silvery-blue flash the moment before Dumbledore`s face disappeared? Why do we feel pleasant warmth if we touch the emptied portraits?  
It doesn't look like a result of the Dark Charm!  
Should we remember Albus`s own words: "After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure"? Moreover, should we associate these words to his another talk with HP – the one about the free-will choice in favour of either going back or going further?

The only thing we know for sure is that Dumbledore won all the battles in his duel with Voldemort.  
Even Dumbledore`s death worked good for him and ruined Voldemort`s plan.  
What kind of plan did Voldemort have? He secretly created Horcruxes to have spare parts for his soul and gain immortality of some kind. What goals did he achieve in the end? Not many. He weakened his soul and, possibly, his mind; Dumbledore unveiled and destroyed his secret Horcruxes, and Voldemort lost (thanks God!) his game.  
What exactly were these Horcruxes? Some things containing heavily wounded parts of Voldemort's soul.  
What kind of spell did Tom Riddle use in order to create Horcruxes? The Killing Curse, hatred and lust for power made up their basis.

Now let`s imagine an absolutely opposite plan: Dumbledore versus Voldemort for immortality.  
It means openness versus secrecy, strengthening versus weakening, love versus hatred.  
Love is Dumbledore`s most sophisticated and preferable weapon! To be more precise, it is a weapon equally effective for attack as well as defense!

Let`s use the Socratic method of thinking, which the Great Albus could use. What do you need to gain immortality? To strengthen your soul to the required level. How can you do it? By adding magic and love to your soul. However, there is a limit to how much your soul can accommodate! It means you should increase the volume of your soul by adding spare parts to it instead of dividing it into parts! But the question is: Where can you get these parts from?  
What is a part of a living soul? It is something under the influence of the soul and at the same time something that gives feedback to the main part of the soul, which is connected to the body.  
As we all know, wizards' portraits and photos have some special abilities: they can move, walk between frames and different portraits, and react to the outer world in the manner of their originals!

Is it just a manner or some real connection to the souls?  
Another question is: Do portraits make any harm to the souls of their originals? There has been no such evidence in the entire wizards' history. Even Grindelwald and Voldemort have never used portraits to do harm to anybody.  
However, can they do any good to the souls of the originals? Maybe it depends not as much on people's feelings as on the total quantity of the portraits!  
It's undoubtedly just a theory, but…. if portraits` effect to souls is very weak, therefore one needs a great amount of his or her images to gain a noticeable effect.  
Well, but who was the one mostly beloved by wizards all over the world and the one who had the biggest quantity of portraits painted during his life? It was Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore!

Speculating in the context our own newly-invented "conspiracy theory": Was it his secret plan? So deeply secret, it was absolutely unhidden and nobody ever guessed about it! Looks like old fox Albus has achieved his goal, like he always did, and gained real immortality!  
And now let's try to answer the most topical question: Is it possible that Albus Dumbledore is going to return and it`s time to collect all the parts of his soul?

Is he going to make a showy or a secret return? Both would be suitable for the Dumbledore we all knew and loved.

Licensing of Seers: Witch-hunt or Hanlon's Razor?  
Patricia Trelawney Jr. for SPEWR

This week Ministry of Magic has given birth to new project, that shocked and surprised British wizard community - obligatory licensing of Seers!  
We have never met such dilemma before - should we immediately stand against government pressure upon most fragile and susceptible part of wizards or just laugh on it from the very bottom of our hearts!

Let`s remember events of WWII, when Ministry turned up not able to ensure safe and security of prophecies, that were collected through the centuries, and mostly were not performed before destruction.  
A half dozen of underage wizards, accompanied by absolutely immoral Death Eaters and not less unreliable members of Order of Phoenix, have destroyed thousands of prophecies in a couple of minutes, and wiped off lives, efforts and hopes of generations of Seers!

And now, the same Ministry, the same Department of Mysteries, with the new Head, Ms. Romilda Vane, without any shade of shame and remorse, announces establishment of the Commission for Prediction and Divination, that will decide about whether Seer could make a prophecy or not, will these prophecies to be a real prediction or just a joke, what kind of information Seer could give out freely (sic!) and what secrets Seers should keep! Is it so funny for you as for me?

What the Commission can decide about it? What kind of wizards could be so overconfident, dumb and godlike self-conceit to accept membership in this ludicrous Commission?  
Last time such tryout was made by well-known Dolores Umbridge, when ex-Senior Assistant was trying to put on probation Sybilla Trelawney, at that time - Professor of Divination in Hogwarts. We cannot deny that influence of this nervous situation could become a reason to arising of the second known prophecy, given by Great Sybilla. Though I wouldn`t want to give such hint to Ms. Vane - to create impossible atmosphere for Seers to increase their efficiency.

As all wizards understand, it is very rare and sometimes grievous gift to have a real Inner Eye.  
Even the mostly Divine-gifted Seers can make prophecies only a couple times through their lifetime.  
All Divination methods such as tea leafs, coffee grounds, crystal spheres etc., could only create some kind of synthesis for solution, based on known objects and cases. It is an easiest part for Inner Eye`s use.  
But the real prophecy, that comes from nowhere, maybe directly from the Source-of-Sorcery - how could it be assessed and checked before it will be performed or not?

Seers are making their own researches about influence of the opening of prophecy`s information on its performing, by the other words - is opened prophecy become performed by His will or by its partakers, ensured in imminence of described events by the opening of prophecy ipso facto?  
Still there is no exact answer for such doubts because of lack of comparable cases, in which prophecies were opened and covered accordingly.  
Only this one small question should give you impression, what complicate and unstable magic Seers forced to use.  
My own great-aunt, Sybilla Threlawney, one of the famous Seers of our century gave out two or three confirmed prophecies and (one of very few!) was lucky enough to see its` performing in her lifetime!  
Will this new-established Commission sit and wait near the Seer until the prophecy comes?  
Would it`s members be so brave to get a risk to become a partaker of the prophecy, if it happens - because prophecies mostly arise near their objects?  
At the end - would Ms. Vane take part in Commission`s work by herself and with what ideas?

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.  
This phrase is known as "Hanlon`s Razor".  
What could I add to these genius words? Let`s buy popcorn and wait for continuation!

ChairUp! Show  
November 6, 2016

Cutty: - Tonight show ChairUp! with our host, MC Jee Chang  
Chang: - and, of course, our ghost-host Cutty Sark!  
(Applause)

Chang: - Now we are welcome two noble guests - Ms. Taaaanathine Tonks, leader of W-gothic-rock group "The Syrens"! - (Cheers and applause)  
aaaand  
Cutty: - Voice of the Year by SPEW Review polls, Golden Witch of South Devonshire, Ms. Iphigenia Warbeck! (Applause, cheers, whistling)  
Chang: - As all our fans know, today we`ll watch over a battle on the Flying Chairs, and only your magic will give enough Levitation Charm to keep Flying Chairs in the air - in both meanings!  
Battle will be over if one of chairs reaches the ceiling or touches the floor.  
Cutty: - Today we`ll got not only brilliant singing battle, but also a lot of debates, contests and even some magical exercises that will be made by our competitors! But - the prize is worthy of such efforts - it is a contract on Corporate Christmas Eve in the HQ of MalfoyStanley Financial Group, the most aristocratic company in the wizard world!  
Chang: - Yeah! (Applause, whistles) Their unofficial motto is "Unlike Umbridgewater", so I expect it will be more than just decent honorarium for tonight's winner! (Applause) Ok, let`s do it together...  
Both hosts: Nooooow - it`s show time! (Applause)  
Chang: - This show is promising to be straight-out, intransigent and real hardcore – not least because of the sponsors! The main sponsor of Syren`s World Tour 'Enslavement' is The Durmstrang Wand Corporation and it's new program of trade-in for wands. Bring your old wand and get the newest model with COLOSSAL discount! (Applause)  
Cutty: - The constant sponsor of Ms. Warbeck is Borgin Laboratories - SMW is all you need from the wand!  
(Applause, cheers, whistling, roars!)

Chang: - So, Cutty, let`s start our first stage - Breakaway!  
Cutty: - By the sortition, the first sing exercise will be fulfilled by Ms. Tonks! (Applause) Today we have prepared a little surprise - it will be a duets! It's an honor for us to introduce the famous goblin sinnnnnger Gorbuch! (Applause, roars, roars, ROARS!)  
Together they will perform an aria (cheers, laughing) from the W-opera "Last Loved Witch" by famous combiner Willy Vincento! (Applause)  
Tonight - as ever – we are accompanied by Wizard Chaotic Orchestra and it`s leader, Doctor Liet Kynes!  
(Applause, cheers)

Music plays.

Gorbuch: - You were mine gold-mine  
Tonks: - Why was it me?  
Gorbuch: - You blowned all my mind!  
Tonks: - I had to be!  
Gorbuch: - Your eyes are Lumos of my heart!  
Tonks: - I want to fire-love more than hot!  
Both: - We`ll got the chance to meet each other!  
And love`ll Confringo all another!  
(Applause, laughing, roars)

Chang (laughing): - So, all audience members at our studio and our public from W-ideo channels got a lot of new emotions, with absolutely unusual performance by mostly unsuitable for such music singers - harsh low voice of Tonks and high yelps of Gorbuch (laughing)... (Applause, yaks, roars)  
Cutty: - And now we should gather Levitation Charms for Ms. Tonks` Chair! If you want - repeat after me - Wingaaaardium Leviosa! (counter clicking) Ok, time is over - and ... we can see, that Chair of Ms. Tonks goes up for the one feet! (Applause) Thank to all of you! The greatest gratitude to Gorbuch! (Applause)  
Chang: - Stay tuned, it`s the only one short advertisement!

Commercial voice: - Silicon gel Rust Deletrius - long life for your cauldron! Only GG5.99!

Chang: - Oh, I`m still under impression (laughing)... (Applause)  
Ok, now I`m happy to announce the first singing exercise of Ms. Warbeck! She`ll perform a duet wiiiith... chorus of Ravenclaw House of Hogwarts! (Applause, roars, cheers)  
We prepare to hear "Song of Lost Toad" by unknown author, but everybody gets used to put Neville Longbottom to this honoured place - so, let the performance begin! (Applause, cheers) Maestro...

Music plays.

Warbeck: - Oh, where is my toad? What happens with it?  
Chorus: - Under your cauldron as ever!  
Warbeck: - There is no shit on it`s favorite seat!  
Chorus: - Keep not feed it and you`ll have it never!  
Warbeck: - I have a bad feeling, I fear of that cat!  
Oh, Trevor, my toad, you all my heart geeeet!  
Chorus: - Oh, please, dear, don`t bury it yeeeet!  
(Applause, roars, cheers. )

Cutty: - I cried out all my sark! (laughing) (Applause, laughter) It was a real magic - especially from chorus side, sorry, just joke - and look, what Iphy can do with her brilliant voice!  
Chang: - So, I start to collect your Levitation Charms for lovely Iphy - Wingardium Leviooooooosa! (counter clicking) and - let`s give our best thanks to Ravenclaw Chorus! (Applause, whistling, roars)  
Chang: - Well, time is over, let me measure - one feet two inches up! (Applause)  
Cutty: - Again, I should find a handkerchief to remove some tears - but you`ll have the only one short ad at this moment!

Commercial voice: - When your gold simply rest in your vault, it slenderizes! Push it to pump muscles! Weasley Gold Investment - your gold will be strong and fat! 7.5% average interest rate through 5 last years!

Chang: - Now we have come to our second stage - Debates. Please, Round Table, fly to your place! (Applause)  
Cutty: - Ok, we have twelve seats around - two for us, two for nice-looking Tanathine and lovely Iphy, two for experts and three for supporters of each sides, brave enough to get a risk to be thrown out of chair! (Applause)  
Chang: - We will give to our competitors one theme, and their supporters will answer with three sentences. Experts will decide, if they don't accept sentence, they throw one of supporters out of chair! That supporter, who will remain sitting, will add half of feet to his star chair! (Applause) Let`s begin - stars introduce their supporters! Ms. Warbeck, your move! (Applause)

Iphigenia: - My first supporter is my old friend Mr. Zacharias Smith, the owner of robe-sewing factory near the Faringdon! His factory provides robes for all wizards and witches of Oxfordshire! (Applause)  
My second supporter is Madame Helena Fournier, Professor of Numerology at L'academie de magie Beauxbatons! (Applause) And my third supporter is Mr. Theodorius Brickwood, Vice-Head of Department of Mysteries at Ministry of Magic! (Applause, roars).

Cutty: - We are all impressed with such important persons, came to support a singer at popular show.  
But - usually we're never surprised, when pop-stars support politics at election, as if they could really understand political processes... (Roars) So, let`s move on -  
Chang: - Ms. Tonks, please, you may introduce your supporters! (Applause)

Tanathine: - Well, everybody should know my first supporter - Commander of Werewolf-Hunters Squad for Scotland, Mr. John "Silverblade" Montgomery! (Applause, roars). The second one, but not by meaning, is Professor of Astronomy at Hogwarts, the first wizard on the Mars, Dr. Dexter Occasium! (Applause). And – the modest of all - Albus Severus Potter! (Roars, applause, whistles).

Chang: - Wooooooow! :-) Tonight our experts could be in doubts about themselves! (Laughter).  
Still they are enough brave to accept that challenge, aren`t they? Yes, nobody escapes! (Laughter)  
So I can introduce them – the first one is a new Chief Lady of Wizengamot, Mrs. Millicent Bullstrode! (Silence, tiny applauses) And the second one is the famous hi-mag inventor Mr. Dave Borgin himself! (Great applause, roars).  
Both hosts: - Let the debates begin! (Horn plays).

Chang: - The first challenge will be given to Mrs. Warbeck. Tonight our theme is - what kind of support should receive Ministry of Magic from wizards and witches of Great Britain to solve "guest wizards` problem"? No, no, Iphigenia, you shouldn`t answer - your first supporter, Mr. Smith, please...

Mr. Smith: - Well, I`m thinking about to keep clean our lands from all artifacts that can be used as Portkeys.  
Mrs. Bullstrode: It`s impossible - too much work for so limited staff of Ministry.  
Mr. Borgin: But we can develop special indicators...  
Mrs. Bullstrode: When it`ll be ready, please, bring us the first dozen of it! (Laughter) Throw him off!  
Cutty: - Sorry, Mr. Smith, you`re thrown off! (Chair turns upside down, old Zacharias drops on the pillows below, roars in studio). Second tryout - Madame Fournier! (Applause)

M-me Fournier: - I can't see any problem if wizards may be allowed to visit another country as a guests. Vice versa, it`s a time for charity and hospitality, especially for poor wizards, who had only one robe... (Roars, whistles at studio).  
Both experts: - Throw her off!  
Chang: - Pardonne-moi, Madame Fournier! (Chair turns upside down, she didn`t drop but glide down with some elegance). Applause for such a graceful lady! (Applause)

Cutty: - Iphy, your last hope, Mr. Brickwood!  
Mr. Brickwood: - I think... (he secretly whispers answer firstly to Mrs. Bullstrode, than to Mr. Borgin. Experts did some quiet conversation, and Mrs. Bullstrode announce decision)  
Mrs. Bullstrode: - With regard to national security reasons, we will not open this answer, but we give to Mrs. Warbeck half-feet reward! (Borgin nodded). (Some chaotic applause, whispers, roars).  
Chang: - So, we`d never met such circumstances before, but... rules of our show are inviolable! Mrs. Warbeck, you`ll get your reward! (Applause, whistles).

Cutty: - Now, Tanathine, is time for your supporters to make their moves! (Applause) Mr. Montgomery, if you please...  
Mr. Montgomery: - Ministry should not use WWH Squads for it. We will not hunt on human beings! (Roars in studio, whistles, applause)  
Mrs. Bullstrode: - Is that all your help? Throw him off!  
Cutty: - John, you`ll have our solidarity, but... (Chair turns upside down, Mr. Montgomery jumps down on his feet and leaves the studio). Next move - Dr. Occasium!

Dr. Occasium: - I`m absolutely sure, that solution of this problem is not on the Earth! We should open new space for dwelling - there, between the stars! And our new A-Brooms, for 56 passengers, could help us! (Applause, roars)  
Chang: - Please, Dr. Dexter, could you clarify your answer? Do you propose to local wizards escape from Earth or it means that we should send "guest wizards" out of planet?  
Dr. Occasium: - Errr..., I mean, that we should do it altogether...  
Mrs. Bullstrode: - Enough. We`ll consider you proposition, Dr. Dexter, you have your half-feet reward!  
(Applause, whistles).  
Cutty: - Nicely done, Dr. Dexter! (Applause) Albus, please, don`t turn us into unicorns (laughter), just give a hint - what`s your idea?

Mr. Potter: - Ministry should accommodate legal migrants, don`t mess me with euphemisms, and integrate them into society inside our laws. Without any exception. We can help by accepting migrants as equals to us. But illegal migration should be prohibited and prevented with all Aurors of Department of Magical Law Enforcement. And all wizards can help with magic. Undoubtedly.  
Mrs. Bullstrode: - Do you propose to convene the militia? To establish local patrols on the sample of Snatchers?  
Mr. Potter: - I didn`t propose this...  
Mrs. Bullstrode: - Ok, thank you, Mr. Potter, we`ll use your proposition. You got half-feet reward! (Applause, whistles).  
Mr. Potter: - But I didn`t mean it...

Chang: Thanks to all partakers, the second stage is over! For this moment Mrs. Tonks is eight inches above Ms. Warbeck! Applause and, as usual, one more little advertisement! (Applause, roars).

Commercial voice: - Do you need best Healers at work? Please, donate St. Mungo! Feel free to send gold directly from vault to vault without visiting Gringotts! No taxes for this kind of transfer! Our vault number is 1313! Call Gringotts right now! Take out monthly subscription for GG5 and get our green hat free!

Cutty: - So, we have reached the final stage - Measures! Our competitors will use their magic and their voices to keep the Runespoor calm and quiet. Everybody knows, that Runespoor is highly intelligent and extremely dangerous creature, so we have here Auror`s squad - just in case.

Chang: - The first challenge is to Ms. Warbeck, please. For security reasons we should keep silence, so...  
Both hosts: Silencio Studio! (Instant silence)

Iphigenia sings lullaby song:

Please, hear, my baby, my voice through the dream,  
It`s streaming like moonlight, like diffused beam,  
The branch of the linden is leafy and green -  
Sleep, sleep well!

You should be obeying and you`ll be reward -  
I`ll keep your repose as safe as my heart,  
Don`t make any noises, don`t sneeze and don`t fart -  
Sleep, sleep well!

Runespoor meditatively chews his right head with middle, but keeps quiet and calm.  
Studio applauds, but without any sounds.

Cutty (whispers): - Tanathine, please, be careful!

Abruptly loud rock music starts playing, Tanathine starts shouting Syren`s hit "Obey me!":

Your move and breath are only mine!  
If you're alive - I will decide!  
Keep quiet, slave, not even start -  
Shut up! Shut up!

Your foot and hand, your tongue and heart  
Without me will not make craft!  
I will decline all trash and stuff -  
Shut up! Shut up!

Runespoor is shocked and stops even move. But after it starts to roar and tries to crush it`s cage. Aurors start shooting spells, smoke arise all over the studio, roars and chaotic yelps. After a couple of minutes, Aurors got enough luck to shut off the Runespoor, cage is removed from studio.

Chang: - It was unforgettable experience, that's all I can say...  
Cutty: - Let`s know what our audience members think about it - let`s collect Levitation Charm for our competitors!  
(counter clicking) – The final time is over!

Chang: - Astoundingly, but finally we have a draw! Ms. Warbeck gets ten inches additionally but Ms. Tonks only two!  
Cutty: - It`s a big surprise! (Great applause) So, what can we do? Just to wish MalfoyStanley staff DOUBLE ENJOY at Christmas Eve, and our show is over!

Both hosts: - See you again next month!

Do you need to be healed? Healers also need your help!  
Victoire Pomfrey for SPEWR

Average annual budget of St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries for last 3 years was around GG180M. Usually it was enough not only for cure, care and remedy, but also for researches.  
A new cure for magical epilepsy that was developed in cooperation with Swedish Institut Medicinsk Trollkarl became a sensation and brought hope for wizards who were doomed to live in HMMI for their entire life.

But at the end of last month, Board of Governors of HMMI got a letter from Financial Department of Ministry of Magic, undersigned by it`s Head, Mr. Mateusz Morawiecki, about sequestration of government subsidy for 2017 year for 25%.

These days, if you`ll visit St. Mungo, you find that chambers for 2-3 wizards usually packed with 7-9 patients. There are beds in corridors, queues at all healer's offices. You`ll find a lot of Muggles, brought by wizards, Muggles affected by wizards, mostly from wizard`s migrants, that are not so loyal to our laws and sometimes more accented on backfire than on escape of conflicts. These days HMMI has three times more patients than in times of WWII!  
St. Mungo needs not only to keep financing level, HMMI desperately requires an extension of the main building, new healer's offices, labs, chambers!  
In the next couple of years our Research&Development Department promises to make a breakthrough in a cure such important maladies as loosing memories and some potion intoxications - they also need support!

It`s not for Healers, workers, administration - it`s for all wizards and witches of Great Britain!

We've got additional donation from our biggest friend - Weasley Gold Investment Corp., it`s CEO William A. Weasley established additionally 10 "Arthurian" chambers, named in memory  
of his father, with all equipment and personnel salaries.

But some other private companies, such as MalfoyStanley and Umbridgewater refused to keep their annual donations, with reasons of increasing of taxes and global gold-financing crisis. Umbridgewater even cancelled procuring the insurance policies for all it`s workers.

Please, donate us! Each your Galleon, even each Knut and Sickle, will help to save somebody`s life and health! Goblins of Gringotts removed all commission for transfers and service of our vault 1313, also it`s tax-free and guaranteed VAT reward! Please, call Gringotts right now - you can transfer vault-to-vault without personal visiting!

Also, we've created a petition to Minister for Magic Mrs. Hermione Weasley-Granger for increasing of our financing for 2017 year and we ask you to sign it and send your own commentary to official Ministry's owl-post address!

Together we can save St. Mungo and our mutual wealth - our health!

ART NEWS  
Molly Liebwriter for SPEWR

For all aficionados of South Africa`s witchcraft and wizardry, especially for fans of woo-doo, which popularity rocketly grows among young wizards of Great Britain - London Ogden Art Center opens exhibition of greatest collection of African amulets and artifacts! Four months from November 1, 2016 you can observe sources of natural African magic for only GG14.99! For groups - also free tests of African staff-wands! Night excursions with real Rhodesian pow-wow Mbonga Nganga! Booking for two weeks ahead! Kids are welcomed only with adults!

Liverpool Quad-Wizard Theatre announced new mixed ballet-opera theatrical play on brooms "Soaring Angel" with 18 year-old starlet Gloria Wood, Seeker of Brainwashed Barbies, winners of this year World Goblet of Quidditch! Unbelievable maneuvers of young Ms. Wood (strengthened by integrated Apparition effects of new Sparklestrike broom, manually assembled by luxury subdivision of Mermaids Brooms), will make heart-breaking, mind-blowing and... just shocking effect! GG29.99 for adults – please note, this play is 18+ only!

Famous Wizard fic-writer Gerbert H. Linering fulfilled his promises, given to his fans at last Christmas Eve, and sent to the publishers from CitherSpawn fully finished seventh part of Gerry Cauldron`s adventures, "Gerry Cauldron and Trolley-bus", which is about an extreme life of a wizard teenager in the world of Muggles. Fans start to create the queue to be the first purchasers of new volume of their favourite book that should be ready to sale at the 20th of this December - because the first 100 copies will be signed by author together with Harry Potter himself! Nine years ago, when first book of this series was published, great HP was seriously irritated by constant comparison his heroic life with "bullshit-sucked-from-Bertie-Botts" as he has commented this story. But now he at least relaxed enough to accept this book as nice manual for young witches and wizards that first time enter into the big world of Muggles.  
Announced price GG49.99 based on assurances of Mr. Linering to pay GG25.00 from each book to St. Mungo`s Pediatric Ward. Hope, he will fulfill this promise not less faithfully than previous.

Wizard Department of British Museum announces with pride and honor, that first ever exhibition of Russian Emperor Magical Artifact Collection from Restricted area of Museum of Kunstkamera, Saint-Petersburg, will start at New Year holidays! We owe this majestic show to one of the richest wizards of Europe, Sergej Dolohov. Cousin of Death Eater Antonin Dolohov, he has never supported Dark Side, rather, he was one of the sponsors of Hogwarts` Rebuilding Campaign - he brought and full-paid work of some Russian wizard artists, who have restored ceiling of main Hall of Hogwarts.  
This collection contains a lot of unique and astonishing jewelry from ancient times to the end of 19th century. The first magical Crown of Russian Tzar Ivan the Terrible, that made him mad and paranoid; wizard wand of Osljabja, legendary Russian wizard, who has won The Battle of Kulikovo when the prince Dimitriy Donskoj was wounded, etc.

The most famous Keeper of Russian Tzars` Magical Artifacts Collection was Grigori Rasputin, well known also in Muggle's society. Muggle-born in Siberia, he was found at grown-up age, and has never had a chance to get a normal wizard education. Because of this, he used his great natural abilities in chaotic forms with unpredictable results. Russian Emperor Magical Council gave him the post of Keeper of Magical Artifacts, as the easiest way to instill in him a tendency to tame his temper. Firstly, he worked so hard, and he managed to fully restore most ancient known magical artifact - alive golden Pigeon from the Throne of Solomon! But afterwards he has left the wizard world and was drowned in the Neva River. Dolohov's family succeeded to Rasputin - as regards responsibility - Ivan Dolohov Sr. was the next Keeper of Magical part of Kunstkamera after Grigori.

Together with Russian Collection you can visit exclusive exhibition of some rare valuable artifacts from private collections of Malfoy`s and Black`s families, partially confiscated and temporarily given by Ministry of Magic. You can observe all these exhibitions for only GG24.99 - all the money raised will be sent to charity.

Just for fun – the last point for this evening is performance of living statues from all parts of England. Marble and plaster statues will reenact scenes from the famous historical events, from Goblins` Wars to Battle of Hogwarts. You can visit them at Whimbledon`s Courts every Thursday evening absolutely free - on your own risk (no insurance from hitting by stones).

Attack on shrine: Do We Really Need Such Minister for Magic as Mrs. Hermione Weasley-Granger?  
Justin Finch-Fletchley for SPEWR

Yeap, I said it. I really admire their feat, their heroism - Harry J. Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald A. Weasley. They did more than just risk their lives, they sacrificed themselves for all of us, and we could never pay back for it. But - do they fit for their grown up roles in society?  
Everybody in W-community accepts this situation as fair - heroes worked hard and got a decent reward. Nobody thinks that roles ARE NOT reward. It is a new feat - and are they prepared for it?

As far as I can see - businessman Ronald Weasley is far not a billionaire, his projects are almost unprofitable. HP, Grand Master of the United Wizards, still governs the least powerful and respected international wizard organization in the world, as it had been before he was elected.

And Mrs. Weasley-Granger - what can we conclude after five years of her Minister`s work?  
We are safe. That was, is and will be her greatest concern. New arising of the Darkness is impossible, the number of Aurors was firstly doubled, than tripled in comparison to the times of WWII (sic!), defense expenses was doubled, was established basic military training instead of Defense of Dark Arts lessons at Hogwarts. We are safe.

Those times, at Hogwarts, she was absolutely brilliant, highly concentrated, smart and innovative.  
Still she is.

She is so concentrated on safety, that she doesn`t realize, that social programs are shrinking and cutting, that media market is deeply monopolized by one company with unclear financial supply. W-economy in recession more than three years, the number of jobs is reduced on 7-10% а year.

But - she is still on the warpath. You can just hear her speeches - "we will resist", "we will win", "we will attack".  
Everything for victory! There are no too expensive things, there are no too many victims, there are no impossible things to sacrifice them in the name of victory! For war - it`s right.  
But war is OVER. There is peace all over the wizard world. We should stop fighting and enjoy peaceful life. THAT`S IT! THAT`S ENOUGH!

A couple of days ago I got information from Garook son of Griphook about some tensions between goblins` Board of Governors of Gringotts and Ministry of Magic. Scandal interview of Rotshilg about "quantitative easing" starts inquiry from Ministry and gave the idea to Mrs. Wealsey to control Gringotts directly, to give control of emission of Golden Galleons to Financial Department of Ministry. Mrs. Minister in her last couple of speeches "expressed concern about the unstable situation with rate between GG and European Auro and its influence on British wizard economy". And she just hinted that Financial Department will be better regulator than "veiled and non-transparent goblins".

It wasn't racial words. She is not in any way a racist. It was an old grievance - goblins were not allies of Dumbledore in the times of WWII. They were neutral and she cannot accept it. But maybe she doesn`t understand the depth of problem.

Wizards` control is absolutely unacceptable not only for goblins, but for wizards also.  
Independency of Gringotts - even in the times of war - it is independency, equality and protection for whole race of goblins. Its guarantees (of course, goblins don`t care about it) of decent places in w-community for centaurs, house-elves, who are so loved by "brilliant Hermy", mere-people, ghosts, giants and half-giants such as Hagrid and his cute brother Grawp - even for werewolves (let`s not forget about Remus Lupin!) and fantastic beasts!

Gringotts provides not only stability of financial system and economy of British wizard society.  
Insensibly it provides w-community with an integrity and mental health. I would suggest that our magic and our life as a community of human beings are based on this integrity. On this feeling of fairness of life.  
If wizards`ll put too much weight on their scalepan - it can destroy all construction.

Our friend-neighbors, American Muggles, had got two presidents who tried to control emission of their money, dollars. It was Abraham Lincoln and John Fitzgerald Kennedy (if you want to know about their fates - you can use Winternet).

My old friend, Hermione, please, understand me - I love you. I love you`re all, my friends, Harry, Ron, Hermione. I fought together with you. If you`ll ask me again - I stand for you immediately without any doubts, with all my life. But, I beg you - please, do not crush my feeling of fairness of life.

Martyrs and Saints, Love and Hatred  
Rosie Cotton for SPEWR

Through the ages of mutual life, relations between Wizards and Muggles were not so simple, as some Wizards historians try to present to their readers. Even the greatest Wizard historian of XX century, Bathilda Bagshot, in her brilliant "History of Magic" described a lot of persecutions, tensions, tortures and even killings from both sides - but strangely never mentioned about good relations or co-operation between Wizards and Muggles.  
Though we have a lot of historic evidences, that relations depended not only on "barbarism of Muggles" but from Wizard's attitude and behavior. Those Wizards, who were "Muggle-lovers" (as they named by "pure-Wizard" adherents), despite of all risks, try to help, cure and support their Muggle-neighbors and get back love, respect and esteems.  
Let`s remember that some prominent Wizards worshipped by Muggles as Saints - Muggles use this word not only like Wizards, to describe somebody, who bring us Spirit of Source of Sorcery, but also for those human beings, who did something outstanding for the benefit or were victims for their good deeds.  
For example, we can count among them Adalgott, who invented shining sheep bell, to protect Muggles` livestocks from the wolves and who protected his neighbors from werewolf Canine the Black; Vodoaldus, who stopped the plague near the Soisson at 8th century, or Balderich, who was Muggle-born and did a lot for establishing good relations between Wizards and Muggles.

Personally I loved story of Golindukha the Persian. She lived at 6th century in Mideast. She was a Muggle-born, found by Al-Mansour when she was 19. Under his teaching she became a most powerful Witch of her times. But she has never used her power against Muggles, despite of all their tryouts to torture and kill her. Imprisoned and tortured, she stayed peaceful and lenient. Muggles threw her into the deep hole in the ground together with a big snake.  
But Golindukha were a Parselmouth and sent it to find food for them both. Also she is considered as an inventor of Invisibility Cloak and used it to avoid Muggles` attacks. Muggles understood her deeds as a Miracle and still worship Golindukha till nowadays.  
Golidukha understood that sources of Muggles fears are not barbarism, but uncertainty and weakness, and never blamed them.

Another story described us the life of Gregory Thaumaturgus (app. 213-270 AD),  
who lived and died among Muggles and used his magic a lot for curing and supporting them.  
During the persecution ordered by Emperor Decius in 250 AD, Gregory himself fled into the surrounding mountains with many from his Christian Muggles flock. His enemies pursued Gregory and his deacon to one of their hidden places, but when they arrived, he had transfigured the Christians into the trees and repaired them after enemies got out. When the persecution ceased, Gregory had returned to his city Neocaesarea, and cured many of his flock from the plague.

But we should not think that we can find such stories only at ancient times. One of the modern Wizards, John (Maximovitch) the Wonderworker, (1896–1966), was a prominent Eastern Orthodox ascetic and hierarch of the Russian Orthodox Church. He fulfilled a lot of miracles to protect his Muggles flock, but, due to the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy he worked silently and humble. Right before his death, he put Incolumis Charm on his body to keep faith in Muggles further.

Great Albus Dumbledore wrote in his Notes to Tales of Beedle the Bard: "Beedle was somewhat out of walking in step with his times by preaching a message of brotherly love for Muggles." And Dumbledore on his own, who has gone through some misconceptions in his youth, became a biggest Muggle-lover and greatest wizard of modern times altogether.

I mean, that wizards should understand - not only secrecy and hidden life could keep safety and prosperity of W-community. But respectful, helpful and co-operation attitude of Wizards will do the job.

Muggles-Wizards - Where Is The Border?  
Gwendoline Sammath for SPEWR

In the last 30-40 years most widespread fear of wizards was destroyed - fear to get a Squib in their family. That fear was, is and will be the most foundation for all "pure-blood" theories - based on anxiety that "breed with Muggles" and even communications with them could be a reason to decrease "Muggle-lover`s" magic abilities. Of course, there is no slightest sign of truth in these "conspiracy theories" at all - magic comes through the world as a great flow, and human beings get it as accidentally as possible. But Wizards do not like to confess, that they are exposed to aberrations as well as Muggles.  
So, why this fear is destroyed? Squibs are still born sometimes. But - what do parents want for their children? Health, life in peace, enough wealth for decent life and self-fulfillment. Usually, wizards tend to believe that all that achievements directly depend on magic abilities. All careers in wizard world depend on magic potential of applicants - but the Big World is wider than wizard part.  
A lot of Squibs do great career between Muggles, for example - Steve Jobs, Matthew McConaughey, Lindsey Stirling, Ilya Kabakow etc. Even "pure-blood" Wizard families, that consider having Squibs between their relatives as deepest shame, invest in their Muggle-businesses - as we could see in case of MalfoyStanley, biggest Wizard shareholder of Apple Inc. Their success brings not only a hope for those wizards, which abilities are not enough for success in wizard community, but also a little bit shake the confidence of all wizard youth in necessity of magic itself.  
Even if weak, almost imperceptible magic gives a lot of advantages in Muggle world - so, why do you need more of it? Some restrictions in use of magic in Muggle life that created by International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy help to keep young wizards on study of magic, but it is not enough.

From the other side, relations between Muggle parents and Muggle-born wizard children aren`t nice so far. Magic abilities create tensions - parents hope that heirs will run their businesses, or will become doctors (as Muggles names Healers), engineers, police officers etc. Wizard children usually choose magic, and leave Muggle world, world of their parents forever, abandon all that hopes.  
But also some young Muggle-born wizards choose Oxford or Cambridge for their education and throw Hogwarts letters out.  
These days, despite of all statistic data came from Ministry of Magic, we can conclude, that amount of young Muggle-born wizards, who decline invitation to Wizard World grows from year to year.  
It was absolutely impossible and unimaginable 40-50 years ago, but it`s true.  
It depends on multiple factors. Some Muggle inventions, such as Internet, cellphones, social networks, airplanes, robotics and biogenetics etc., do Muggle world more attractive than before.  
Muggle world can provide more possibilities for self-fulfillment and for communication, affairs and love, even for love!  
As a result, Magic is loosing to Technology competing for youth.

We, Wizards, have to find the will to carry on, as one famous Squib sung. We need to improve our magic, to create newest educational programs, to invent new spells and charms that will be more powerful and accurate, more useful and comfortable, more long-range and wide-angle.

And we should understand that this competition will exist forever.

Summing Up The Year: Annual Report by Ministry of Magic  
Editorial

At the end of the year we usually want to take a look back – what hasn't happened yet and what can we expect in the near future? So, some statistics from recently published 'Annual Report 2016' made by John Khass, chief analyst of Financial Department of Ministry of Magic (FDMM).

TOTAL WIZARD POPULATION  
Wizard population in UK was estimated to be 1,142,570 as of December 1, 2016, according to the Bureau of Statistics of FDMM. This is an increase of 17,139 persons since December 1, 2015.  
Wizard annual population growth rate was the fourth highest of all over the world. Of course, Great London had the highest growth rates among all counties.

NATURAL INCREASE  
UK Wizard community experienced 15,743 births in Wizards families, 4,886 Muggle-borns were found and 9,846 deaths occurred during 2016 for a natural increase of 10,783.

MIGRATION  
Migration is the largest component of Wizard population change in UK. Preliminary data suggest that in 2016, 29,540 wizards and witches legally moved to UK from other countries and 23,184 residents left for other provinces.  
All data in this report are preliminary and subject to revision. For more details, contact the Bureau of Statistics of FDMM at + 98989 959 444888 or visit .wom (To get access to Winternet, tap your mouse twice with your wand).  
(Some unreliable sources as 'Echo of Freedom' gives additional data about 20,622 wizards, mostly from MidEast, moved to UK through illegal Portkeys, arranged by their connections in the UK. Problem of "guest wizards" is a main political question of this year. Because of some Muggles` wars, a lot of wizards from abroad were forced to move into the UK. As far as we could see, Ministry has no any plan to solve the situation and they waste time in the useless debates, gambles and absolutely unrelated scandals - such as control of Gringotts.)

TOTAL WIZARD TAX REVENUES in 2016 is GG5.38bn, GG199.06 million more than last year.  
We brought in record total tax revenues for the sixth consecutive year.  
(We can be 'grateful' for it to Ministry-approved Act of Taxes for Muggle-tribute.)

SMALL BUSINESS CUSTOMERS  
There are more than five thousand small businesses, which employ fewer than  
10 wizards and have an annual turnover of less than GG5 million. Micro businesses  
employ fewer than five wizards, with a turnover below GG1 million.  
The number of small businesses has reduced by more than 7% since 2015, with a rapid rise  
in unemployment and Muggle-trading. Still 95%+ of total UK Wizard businesses are small businesses.  
(Some of them employed 'guest wizards' that allowed to save their expenses but also increased coin-Galleons turnover, that, in its turn, increased turnover of illegal potions, restricted artifacts, anti-Muggle activities and wizard crimes.)

LARGE BUSINESS CUSTOMERS  
There are around 100 large businesses, each with an annual turnover of more than GG200 million.  
These include UK national Wizard businesses and multinational corporations with a UK base, such as MalfoyStanley, Umbridgewater, Gringotts etc, and they account for approximately 40% of total tax receipts.  
(Almost half of large businesses are under surveillance at any one time to ensure that they pay the tax due, the biggest penalties for tax avoidance of this year - GG250M paid by MalfoyStanley and GG50M paid by Gringotts - still in trial.)

EXPENSES FOR HEALTHCARE.  
This year Ministry keeps funding of St. Mungo on the level of 2015, around GG180M and plans to reduce government subsidy for 2017 by 25%.  
(Cuts to public health are a false economy. The Ministry must commit to protecting funding for public healthcare. Not to do so will have negative consequences for current and future generations and risks of widening health inequalities. Further cuts to public healthcare will also threaten the future stability of St. Mungo`s structures.)

EXPENSES FOR SECURITY&DEFENSE  
Double-increasing numbers of Aurors and additional funding of Department of Magical Law Enforcement, increased expenses for Security & Defense up to GG522M.  
Also for SMW-wands, protection artifacts and equipment by Leycoils of all Aurors, Ministry additionally subsidized Security Services for GG114M.  
(It became a biggest budget in Wizard history, close to American Wizard Defense budget! In the peaceful time! We have no war. We await no war. We have no tensions with Muggles and other Wizard communities. What the purpose of all these expenditures?)

ANTI-MUGGLE ACTIVITIES  
Police-recorded anti-Muggles crimes are almost non-existent in UK after Wizard War II, as  
illustrated the data provided by an Aurors` Office to this report. But, possibly, some Aurors`  
forces, operating in counties in which thousands of Wizards live, have recorded few  
or no anti-Muggles crimes. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement (DMLE) investigates  
14 causes of this apparent underreporting and provides extra support, where needed, to police forces with less experience of investigating anti-Muggles incidents.  
(Although the UK remains one of the least anti-Muggles countries in Europe, it is alarming  
that recent surveys show that as many as one in 20 adult Wizards in the UK could be characterized  
as "clearly anti-Muggles". The stark increase in potentially anti-Muggles views between 2014  
and 2015 is a trend that will concern many. There is a real risk that the UK is moving in the  
wrong direction on anti-Muggles, in contrast to many other countries in Western Europe.  
The fact that it seems to have entered political discourse (it seems to be on the table of political discourse) is a particular concern. This should be a real wake-up call for those who value the UK's proud Wizard democracy.  
The Ministry, Aurors and Wizengamot must monitor this situation carefully and prevent a robust, zero-tolerance approach to this problem.)

EDUCATION  
Hogwarts accepted this year 1,489 newcomers, that 5,75% more than last year, and released 1,054 students after OWL`s and 245 students after NEWT. Also 288 students came to study to Hogwarts from abroad with an International Wizard Education Program. The Board of Governors of Hogwarts got a GG78M of annual subsidy from Ministry of Magic.  
(More than 25% of students got A or D at their OWLs and less than 40% filled out applications for the NEWT 2017. It`s worse than last year for 7% and 5% accordingly.)

So... We are still alive. Let`s put our hopes for 2017!

Throll or troll?  
Fordy Crabbe especially for SPEWR

At the time of WWI, in the darkest years of Grindelwald's arising, Chief Warlocks of Allied Wizards established Special Anti-Troll Forces. Headquarter of SATF was located near the Salisbury, Britain. Hundreds of SATF wizards sacrificed themselves for the freedom of Wizarding World and ruined the most powerful GG's infantry, and it marked a turning point of Wizard War I. Unable to invade to Britain, Grindelwald's Army shied off to the East and got killing strikes from the Red Army of the Sorcerers Union.  
At _Victory Day parades, veterans of SATF march in the first row, together with their brothers-in-arms, pilots and paratroopers of Strike Flying Squads, SFS.

After the war, Allied Wizards signed an agreement on the establishment of Wizard Anti-Troll Organisation, WATO, on the base of SATF. This was necessary in order to resist increasing of Troll population in Eastern Europe and Asia. But in subsequent years Troll population diminished year by year - by a strange coincidence simultaneously with the budget growth of WATO, which is now estimated at billions of Golden Galleons.  
WATO, that was initially organized as a small part of the whole system of Wizard Defense, step by step has evolved into the biggest bureaucratic institution, that controls and manages of all aspects of defense, military trainings, includes Defense of Dark Arts lessons in wizarding schools, dueling clubs, researches in battle spells etc.  
Year by year, owing to lack of real enemies, WATO started to make them – firstly, of course, represented by the ex-allies from the Sorcerers Union. When the Sorcerers Union collapsed, instead of it, WATO chose as targets different groups of pow-wow from Asia and Africa. Usual accusation for such groups was illegal cooperation with Trolls.  
Considering the interests of wandmakers and budget contractors, WATO usually exaggerated the danger posed by the remnants of Troll population, which is now, at the 2010`s, estimated approximately in couple thousands, and the greatest danger, coming from it, is the extinction of whole Troll race.  
But still this paranoid policy of WATO is becoming stronger and stronger and getting widely support of Wizarding media. National Dueling Associations (NDAs) in US and UK, structures that are also governed by the WATO officials, are the foundation of public support.  
The situation in "free Wizarding media" now looks like hysteria, not less. Fake news about Trolls attacks, mass murders etc., are widely reported in media and covertly discontinued in a couple weeks after it was refuted. Even in modern urban dictionary the word "Troll" changed the meaning to the Wizard/Witch, who creates fakes, and was replaced by the word "Throll" in the meaning of race`s name.

Is it time to stop trying to find Troll under our bed every night?  
Fortunately or unfortunately – there isn't any of them there.


End file.
